How to Cope When Life Feels Hopeless

If you’ve made it this far, then you are not feeling suicidal, I hope! If you are, please use the resources above first. I am making this post 2 days after the US election, so there are a lot of things that are unknown. Many people are afraid, and for good reason. Many of us feel helpless and hopeless about what the future might hold. While things may change as we learn more about what changes might be made to the government and if anyone will lose their rights, here are the things that I suggest doing right now, when we just don’t know.

1. Get off social media. Everyone is expressing their feelings right now and it isn’t just screaming into the void. We are seeing and hearing all of the things those that we follow are feeling. I don’t care what your app of choice is, take a break for a day or 2. Definitely don’t argue with anyone that feels differently than you do.
2. Spend time with family and friends. See them face to face if you can. If not, text or call them. Talk about things other than the election, the future, and what you are feeling about that. It’s great to support each other but it’s also important to focus on things beyond fear, anger, and sadness.
3. Hug and play with a pet. If you have a pet, spend time with them. Hug them, pet them, play with them. If you don’t, visit a friend that has a pet or even volunteer to go play with the cats or walk the dogs at your local shelter.
4. Practice self-care. No, I am not talking about bubble baths. Self-care in times like this can look like not doom scrolling; avoiding the news for a few days to a week; making the decision not to go to family Thanksgiving if you know that everyone else has different political views and it will make you feel even worse; listening to and watching fun, entertaining things not political content; maybe even looking at jobs in other states if you feel that it will be unsafe for you to stay in Mississippi long term.
5. Focus on what you can control. It is easy to feel overwhelmed when there is so much unknown. Spending time worrying about what could or might happen can lead to wasting time because we can’t predict the future. By focusing on the things you can control, you can turn that energy into something that can be helpful rather than harmful. It can be good to write a list of what you can control, because in truth we control very little! For example: you can’t control other people, their actions or decisions, and their attitude. What you can control is avoiding negative people who make you feel bad. When you begin to worry about things out of your control, remind yourself that you cannot control those things and worrying will not change it.

Find a Therapist

It may be that you need a professional to help walk you through your fear, anger, and grief during this time. I am often not accepting new clients, so here are some places to find a progressive, affirming therapist:

If you are in the state of Mississippi, contact me for my referral list.

Inclusive Therapists is a directory that requires those who apply to write statements explaining how they are LGBTQ+ affirming, neurodivergent affirming, anti-genocide, anti-racism, etc. They screen applicants to make sure that they are actually affirming. This is the best way to find someone who has been screened so that you know they are safe.

If you do not have insurance, the Open Path Collective is a directory that requires members to offer discounted rates of $40-$70 for individual therapy. Those who are listed there have agreed to offer therapy sessions at no more than $70 per session. Open path does charge a fee of $65 for you to join in order to receive those discounts.

Psychology Today is one of the largest general directories of therapists and other mental health professionals. You are able to search your local area and state as well as filtering the search by your insurance and what you want to address.

Tolerating Distress in Healthy Ways

There may be times in the coming weeks where you feel panicked and afraid. We will not have answers on many things like policy changes until the first 100 days of Trump’s presidency which will begin in January. This means that there will be times when it is necessary to become more comfortable with discomfort. In DBT, we call handling upsetting and overwhelming emotions in non-harmful ways “distress tolerance.” Tolerating distress might look like distracting yourself until you feel more calm. It might be saving the crisis lines above so that you know who to reach out to if you do start to feel like life is no longer worth living.

Create a Distraction Plan

When doing DBT with my clients, I have them create a distraction plan. You will come up with 5-10 things that you will do when  you are feeling overwhelmed and put that in a note in your phone. That way, all you have to do is look at that note when you are upset, you don’t have to try to come up with things to do when you’re not thinking clearly. These are things like:

• Call a friend (which friend? put them on the list.)
• Go for a walk/run (where? the gym? the running trail that you like?)
• Color (do you have a physical coloring book? Make sure you know where it is.)
• Binge watch a show (what shows do you like? will you need a reminder when you are panicking about where you stream them?)
• Listen to your favorite music and dance (do you have a playlist of your favorite songs? Go ahead and make that now.)

These don’t necessarily have to be healthy things. If you really want to eat a whole cake or a pizza, you can put that down. If you want to sleep, that’s ok to put on your list. What you do want to do is avoid using alcohol to cope. People who have been drinking alcohol are more likely to attempt suicide because being under the influence lowers your inhibitions.

Put Off Harming Yourself

If you must self-harm or worse, tomorrow is a new day. Put it off until tomorrow, call a crisis line, try the distraction plan. You can always see how you feel tomorrow. Many times, a good cry, screaming into a pillow, and sleeping will help to give you perspective. Life is still worth living, regardless of what happens with the government.